Morning Audibles 6.22.10 - Parsing the news 102

I swear... I'm going to try to NOT make this a daily habit, but I can't help lately but pour through news headlines and regurgitate them to you all in a "Cliff's Notes" version...

Without further ado... (I'm trying to make "Cliff" proud)...

U.S. Stocks Fall, Slowing Global Advance; Commodities Trim Gain

Excerpt:

“The announcement out of China elicited an emotional response from the market,” said Alan Gayle, senior investment strategist at RidgeWorth Investments in Richmond, Virginia, which oversees $63 billion. A closer look at the announcement suggests China’s approach is very gradual and it is continuing at its own pace. It’s a less dramatic move when looked at more closely.”

Translation: "Since none of us know what the fuck we're doing, we prematurely interpreted Sunday's announcement as being potentially POSITIVE for equities... The markets said "NOT SO FAST", so now we're in the RETROFIT phase"...

Germany Rejects Obama’s Call on Growth, Stoking G-20 Conflict

Excerpts:
"Whereas Obama called on the G-20 to reaffirm its “unity of purpose to provide the policy support necessary to keep economic growth strong,” Merkel said that “it’s not about growth at any price, it’s about sustainable” growth."

Translation: "Since none of us know what the fuck we're doing, ANY announcement that any of us make, WE HOPE, will potentially be POSITIVE for equities... When the markets say "NOT SO FAST", we'll steal money from taxpayers to mitigate the damage...

"Nobel prize-winning economist Paul Krugman said the U.S. isn’t worried about “loose monetary policy” and said it would be a risk for the euro region to allow Axel Weber, president of the Bundesbank, to succeed Jean-Claude Trichet as head of the European Central Bank, German newspaper Handelsblatt reported"

Translation: "I never knew what the fuck I was EVER doing... That's why I'm a proud NOBEL recipient"...

Obama’s Budget Director Orszag Plans to Leave Post 

Excerpt:
"A former director of the Congressional Budget Office, Orszag has worked to advance two of Obama’s top legislative priorities: the $862 billion economic stimulus measure passed in February 2009 and the $940 billion health-care overhaul passed in March. As director of the budget office, he prepared both of Obama’s first two spending blueprints."

Translation: "Fool me once, shame on you... Fool me TWICE... We won't get fooled again..." (But you know damn well we will)...

"Upon leaving the administration, Orszag will likely join a think tank, said one of the administration officials."

Translation: A "THINK TANK"... Wasn't CHAUNCEY GARDENER held in high esteem by those organizations?

China’s Restrictions on Rare Earths Said to Be Targeted by U.S.

"China controls 97 percent of production of the materials, known as rare earth elements, giving it “market power” over the U.S."

Translation: What ever happened to SHOVEL READY jobs in America? We have ABUNDANT natural resources... Petroleum, Nat Gas, Shale, Aquifers, probably these RARE EARTHS too... Is there ANYBODY in this country who wants to stick a shovel in the ground?... No... because we're too busy fighting wars in the Middle East, cleaning up spills in the deep water GOM... And flapping our yaps about GLOBAL WARMING to actually go to Home Depot, buy a shovel, and stomp it into the ground with a foot...

Meanwhile... This is CV's own NEWS (parse away suckas!)... It's the VIX (annotated) over the past 3 years... Cliff would tell you that there's this RECTANGULAR BOX in the 22-25 area... Then, there are a bunch of "notes" above and below that box...

Make of those what you wish...

Or... You might 'noodle about' upon the sustainability of THIS...

Or... You could just slide in with the GIB...